Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Fourteen

Story McStoryface

GnaGna Na GnaGna, Hey, Hey, Hey, Goodbye

When Hansel woke in the morning, the air was very still and quiet. TOO quiet. The loud, rhythmic snoring reminiscent of sleeping a wall away from his sister was no longer keeping him company. The birds were silent. There was no breeze. Ants crawling in the earth were still. Very, very quiet. It was also well past the crack of dawn.

Aware of a pressure on his bladder requiring a private tree, partly the weight of the can of beans, he sat up, in theory. In reality, he yanked his hair in a couple dozen places and jerked back to the ground, clutching his scalp. Something whacked him on the top of the head, small but solid.

“Ow!” he ad-libbed. The crowd found it predictable. With one hand, he found the strings tying him to the ground by his hair, but the knots…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Thirteen

Story McStoryface

Gnome Country for Old Monsters, Part Three

The Heart of Gnome Country erupted in a ventricular spasm of disbelief. A gnome threw a bowl of blackberry cobbler at Hansel and barely missed. The gnomes were angry, and they were angry at Hansel, but they weren’t yelling about true love.

“Now you did it!” yelled a little gnome in a pink hat.

“Do you want us to dance?” another asked.

“I still have chafing from last time!” screamed a taller male gnome in a blue hat.

“QUIET.” The Queen was standing on Grendel’s knee, and her booming voice held none of the South now. “Agnton. Come forward.” The strange gnome stepped in-between Hansel and the Queen.

“Wait a minute, don’t I get to say what I want—” mumbled Grendel.

“NO,” replied Hansel and GnaGna in unison. Grendel looked unhappy with the arrangements for the first time that evening but didn’t say…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Twelve

Story McStoryface

Gnome Country for Old Monsters, Part Two

Respecting the effort put into dramatic pauses, Hansel and Grendel waited. Gnash finally stepped out from behind the bush, a serious expression on his face.

“Nash!” Hansel exclaimed.

“It’s Gnash, but keep trying. I’m serious, though. You do NOT want to leave a Dear GnaGna letter on the Queen’s throne. You will die, just like the last few dozen unlucky fiancees.”

“Few…dozen?” Grendel stammered.

“She brings a new one home every couple of weeks, announces the engagement, and they try to sneak off. No one has ever gotten away. NO ONE. You had better get used to the idea of being the King of Gnomes.”

“I don’t think Grendel should be forced to marry someone under threat of death,” Hansel said. “I mean, we’re not even supposed to hug people if they don’t want us to.”

“I didn’t say it was right,” Gnash…

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