Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Nineteen

Story McStoryface

Put a Pork in Him, He’s Done

The next two days were a terrible parade of unfamiliar foods in disguises and lectures on the wholesomeness of it all. Some of the things might have been okay if they hadn’t oversold themselves, or just been presented as they were. If you expected chocolate pudding, and got something made of avocados and carob powder, the only possible result was disappointment. Hansel was chronically hungry and grouchy, and spent most of the day in the bathroom.

Grendel was having a great time from the sound of it. Baba G was happy with how the wound was healing, but insisted the monster wouldn’t be walking on it for a few more days, and then hinted he could “be on his way.”

“You mean ‘we’ can be on our way?” Hansel pushed. He hadn’t been allowed outside, he hadn’t been allowed to change back into…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Eighteen

Story McStoryface

This Is No Way to Fatten Up a Child

Hansel went to sleep on the floor of the gingerbread house. He’d meant to stay up and try to sneak out, but the little food he’d managed to choke down and the exhaustion of the long day kicked his butt. When he woke in the morning, Grendel was still snoring outside anyway, and he realized he probably wouldn’t have been able to rouse the drunken monster.

Baba G was pouring very hot water in a very large cauldron. It smelled a little like soup, and Hansel’s stomach rumbled.

“Good, you’re awake. Just in time, too, it’s important to get you in the pot at the right temperature.”

Hansel bolted for the door, which was also bolted. The last he checked, boys weren’t vegan, but this whole gingerbread construction was a house of lies. The candy sucked, the food sucked, and now…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Seventeen

Story McStoryface

Well, What Did You Expect, She’s a Witch

Baba G, as she insisted on being called, was serious about getting the just the foot inside. The inside of her gingerbread house was crammed full of assorted vegetable matter and things that looked like candy but probably weren’t. The dining table, a bed, and a set of comfortable chairs next to the fireplace were all made from hard orange sticks that looked like cheap manufactured wood and smelled a little like peanuts.

Hansel helped Grendel maneuver his leg inside the front door to about mid-calf. The rest of hairy guy rested flat on the ground outside, looking up at the dark sky and stars and mumbling nonsense.

“I’m going to have to dig the bullet out,” she said to Hansel, “and it’s going to hurt. I’m giving him some sorghum to chew, and it’ll glue his mouth shut for a while…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Sixteen

Story McStoryface

“TOFU” Stands for Toe Obviously Messed Up

The lights were gleaming from the windows of an extraordinary building. The light itself was extraordinary, shining through panes of glass the colors of jewels. Squares of gold, emerald, ruby, and sapphire invited Hansel and Grendel closer to a life-sized gingerbread house. The peaked roof was iced white despite the season, with a small cotton candy puff of smoke from the chimney. Chocolate candies the size of Hansel’s head dotted the eaves. Enormous red and white curved candy canes stood at each corner with little hanging baskets full of gumdrop flowers dangling tantalizing close to Hansel’s reach. Everywhere he looked, some confection beckoned to the hungry boy. His can of beans was a sorry safeguard against starvation when this was the alternative.

“I guess we found the original story line again,” Grendel mumbled.


“Nothing. My toe hurts.”

The monster wasn’t making any…

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