Garmin: Uhhhh….oh.  *yawn*  Hey.  Is it Spring?

Me:  No, I’m just going for a run.

Garmin:  Yeah, well, it’s been a while.

Me:  I know.  I was sick.

Garmin:  Oh.  Okaaaaay.  You were sick since the end of November.

Me:  Yes, just find your satellites, please.

Garmin: Locating, locating, locating.  You want me to find an extra one?  Just in case.

Me:  No.  C’mon, I haven’t got all day.

Garmin:  00:00

Me:  *timer start*

. . . . . .

Garmin:  Are we still warming up?

Me:  No, I’m running.  This is running today.

Garmin:  Well, not everyone comes back from Ebola, I guess.

Me:  What?  I didn’t have Ebola.  What made you think I had Ebola?

Garmin:  Anthrax?  Bird flu?  Oh my god, did you have bubonic plague????

Me:  WHAT?  No!  I had viruses.  Several viruses.

Garmin:  Oh.  I mean, I was just looking at the pace, and I assumed… well.  How many viruses?

Me:  A lot of viruses.

. . . . .

Garmin:  Why’d you stop?

Me:  Somebody ran over a flute.  It’s all smashed by the side of the road.

Garmin, in a high-pitched and terrible English accent:  And the piper shall pipe no moooore, for his weightily wielded instrument of pleasure has been weightily welded into the pavement.

Me:  Stop, that’s terrible.  Who told you to be English?

Garmin: *beeps mirthfully*

Garmin, back to normal:  Are you sure you weren’t just winded?  Here on the wood-winding road?

Me: Really.  Stop.

. . . . .

Garmin:  OH, I LOVE this song.  Let’s run faster!

Me: *skip song*

. . . . .

Me: *timer stop*

Me: *blowing like a calving heifer*

Garmin:  Ok, let’s see.  That’s 2.4 miles…let me check the pace…in…um….in….YAY WE WENT RUNNING!

Me:  Wisely said.

Garmin:  So that half-marathon was really a one-and-done, then?

Me: Yup.

Garmin:  See you Monday?

Me:  See you Monday.

. . . . .