my shoulders are oak
your hands chop and vandalize
the axe in relax

That’s an actual model of my muscles, before, during, and after a massage. I have suffered through them a couple of times, and I won’t be doing it again. For people who are relaxation-challenged, it does not make us more relaxed. It makes us in pain, and afraid to say so because clearly, we are the ones doing it wrong.

I would be much better served by an evening in a bar with loud music, good bourbon, and a little howling at the moon.