Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Six

Chapter Six! This begins what I like to think of as a “new episode,” so get caught up now.

Story McStoryface

A Hobby Lobby and a Cabela’s Had a Baby

After half an hour of stumbling through the dark after Grendel, Hansel didn’t think he was any better off than following the far flung food in the forest. The monster was so tall that each of his steps was several of Hansel’s. When Grendel finally stopped, Hansel was huffing and puffing. He bent over, hands on his knees, to catch his breath. He felt Grendel looking at him and stood up quickly in a karate stance. Since he didn’t know karate, he wasn’t sure why, but Grendel didn’t know he didn’t know karate, right?

Grendel chuffed an amused snort and Hansel tried to make it look like he was just putting his hands in his hoody pocket. His security beans were still there. Throwing the can would be a better defense than his imaginary karate skills, so he decided to keep…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Five

Story McStoryface

Musicals Aren’t For Everyone, It Seems

“A woodsman’s daughter with a simple life, a happy family ‘til he lost his wife,” Gretel sang in a trembling soprano. She was surprisingly on-key for someone so unpleasant.

Hansel was resigned to listening to the whole thing, which would probably take at least seven or eight minutes. Once Gretel got going, she was hard to stop. He did walk a few paces away to avoid being sucked into the chorus and heard another sound. An inharmonious sound. It sounded like growling, but much, much larger.

Gretel was winding herself up to launch into the meat of her song, which seemed to be an improvised lament about being abandoned in the woods and losing a ham. It was okay, except for the one line refrain, “…and Hansel was no help at all.”

Hansel heard the basso growl again, closer, and realized it was coming…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter Four

Story McStoryface

Grendel Explains Himself Before the Musical Number

Hansel turned to behold the bearer of the voice, a sevenish-foot-tall, very hairy, brown, humanish creature snacking on the remains of the ham in his right palm. He was dressed in some furry shorts of a slightly lighter brown fur than his own fur, and nothing else. With Gretel already on the ground, Hansel could run and be pretty certain of getting away, but the creature’s words had thrown him.

“What?” he said.

“Bigfoot is an attention junkie. Always leaving footprints around and posing, and pretending like he doesn’t want his picture taken. Like when some knight comes riding in to save the day talking about his noble quest, and really all he wants to do is lop off your head so the girls will throw themselves at him. Just in it for himself.” The creature took another large bite of ham, showing…

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Hansel and Grendel, Chapter One

Chapter One!

Story McStoryface

Hansel and Gretel Are Dumped Like Unwanted Kittens

“Dad, where are you going?” Mr. Woodsman didn’t answer, so the two kids turned up the volume. “DAD! Wait for us!” The two youngsters, a tween girl and a boy of around nine, started after their father. Maybe he’d changed his mind about the day of picnicking he’d drug them into the middle of the woods for. “We’ll stop bickering, we promise!” yelled the boy, Hansel, though it was a promise many times broken.

“I’ll stop whining about the walking!” yelled Gretel, a rotund blonde girl who was unlikely to grow into anything but a circle because of her love of cakes and pies. She hated any kind of exercise, and a day of hiking in the boring, stupid woods hadn’t interested her in the least until her stepmother, Hellen, handed her a large basket of food which she insisted on carrying…

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Guess I Better Make Those Hosting Fees Worth It

Another project starting at Story McStoryface!

Story McStoryface

I just renewed the hosting for Story McStoryface, and I’m happy to say I have a project for 2021 to make it less like throwing money in hole and lighting it on fire.

2020 was a desert for me, creatively, primarily because I have elementary-aged kids and all my time and energy was used for school and shoring up everyone’s crumbling mental health. We’re definitely not on the other side of that, but I am able to work a little bit. I have a huge backlog of serious writing to complete, but I can’t right now. Instead, I’ve rediscovered an old idea (always write those down, you won’t just “remember,” especially at 47 while the world is on fire), and I think this silly bullshit is just what I need at the moment. Do you need it? *shrug* I have no idea.

One of the things I enjoyed about the…

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You Better Watch Your Elf — Story McStoryface

Audiophiles, Listen Here: Gerard opened the flimsy envelope as soon as he got back to his desk, like everyone at Numo Corp. Inside, he found a glittery, unsigned “Happy Holidays” card and a gift card for $25 at the grocery store. Fourteen years at this place, chasing pennies on doll production costs until his eyes […]

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******* Show — Story McStoryface

Audiophiles, Listen Here: “Can’t I just give you my name?” “No, sir, I am not legally allowed to ask for your name. Please provide your LifeSecure User ID.” The girl with the short black hair behind the counter couldn’t have been over 20 years old, and Paul guessed she probably didn’t remember anything before LifeSecure, […]

via ******* Show — Story McStoryface

SWIT! — Story McStoryface

Audiophiles, Listen Here: “Alan? Are you listening to me or shall I hit you over the head with that ladle? Put down your banana and look at this!” Loretta demanded. Alan didn’t answer. Alan was up to his elbows in banana bread batter when the zombies converged. When Alan did look up to see what […]

via SWIT! — Story McStoryface