Two Miles With My Six-year-old

Running Jogging Graph

  1. Start. “Mom, how do you turn this on again?” (I push the Garmin on button) “Thanks, Mom.” Takes off running.
  2. Runs down the street staring at Garmin.
  3. “Mom, has it been one minute yet?”
  4. “Mom, is it over one minute?”
  5. “I’m going to win, but I don’t care because it’s not a race.”
  6. “Mom, I’m thirsty. Let’s buy some water.”
  7. “Where are we going?”
  8. “Ok, the door where I go in every morning to go get in line at the school is the finish line. I think I’m going to win.”
  9. “I’m so thirsty. I need waaaaaaater.”
  10. He wins.
  11. “Can I play on the playground?” (Pause Garmin for 10 minutes.)
  12. “Wait, I forgot my drink! The drinking fountain isn’t working? I’m going to check and see if that’s true.”
  13. “I’m so thirsty.”
  14. “Whose mailbox is this? We should send a letter to Mr. Langdon and tell him he needs to do a drinks drive. My drinks drive will have tables for second grade, and third grade, and kindergarten, and everybody will bring drinks. That way, if anybody is thirsty, they can get a drink at the school. I think it will end on January 2. Let’s send a letter to Mr. Langdon so he gets it on Monday.”
  15. Walking uphill.
  16. New mysterious rule about “stop and stand completely still whenever you see a car” surfaces.
  17. Yelling to hurry up surfaces.
  18. Walking.
  19. “I’m so thirsty.”
  20. Turns onto cul de sac, sprints past me.
  21. He wins again.

It was a good run.

She Couldn’t Believe It When She Saw What You Believed!

There’s been a lot of back on forth lately (mostly forth) about some really outrageous things in the news.  You may have been tempted by the delicious aroma of moral superiority.  You may have even taken a bite.  I’m sure it tasted oh-so-good, but I have a question for you.

Do you even know where your outrage was manufactured?

Most people assume that because they are personally having the outrage, it’s locally sourced. But how do you know your outrage is wholesome organic outrage, not some pre-packaged, processed frankenfit?  For all you know, Big Aggro is importing your outrage from an overseas factory server farm!  They aren’t even required to label it!

Manufactured outrage is full of toxins that slowly poison you from the inside out. These toxins may make your outrage look better, or feel better, but they’ve been proven to cause tight sphincters, jerking knees, and hurting butts.  Did you know that compounded outrage is addictive, just like heroin?  It’s no mistake that they call it website “hits.”

The healthiest course of action is probably to avoid outrage altogether. It’s not necessary to anyone’s well-being, and the risks of it being a processed, additive-laden nightmare are high.  If you just can’t go without a little outrage in your life, though, here’s an alternative to supporting Big Aggro:

Be outraged about things within a 25 mile radius of yourself.

Locally Sourced Outrage

Support local outrage, and know that your outrage is genuine, organic outrage grown right in your backyard.