Ok, so here’s the things I have to tell you so that we get along.

If you are an internet troll, I will delete you. I can’t stand the general incivility on the internet, and I won’t have it here. If you want to take issue with something I’ve written, be polite. If you don’t have an issue, write a bunch of glowing comments about how attractive and funny I am. ALL of those will stay.

This is meant to be humorous and light-hearted. If your panties are in a bunch because you think I am actually going to set fire to my children, or you think I am setting a bad example for the “youth of today,” you are missing the point, and should go read something else. I will probably occasionally use a bad word for emphasis, or because I can’t help it. I assure you that what came into my head in those cases had many more bad words than what you’re seeing. You should be happy.

All of the pictures on here were taken by me with my handy iPhone. I know, I know, they look REALLY professional, but it’s true! I can’t imagine why you would want to use one, but I will probably happily let you, just ask. All rights are reserved…unless you ask. The props are also homemade, and available for sale at very reasonable prices. No, not really.