I bought one of those books–
Coloring for adults.
They evangelize them so much,
It’s like they’re forming cults.
“It’ll relax you!” they said,
So I got out my shiny pencils.
I sat and scribbled and scratched.
In five minutes, I was mental.
The stress involved in choosing
Colors for each insanely tiny space
Was “relaxing” an agonized grimace
Onto my tightly scrunched up face.
If you’re into this crazy fad,
Please don’t let me yuck your yum.
Deep inside, I must still be five,
Yelling, “Coloring is dumb!”
Note: Mrs. Johnson was my first grade teacher. She despaired at my terrible pencil grip for as long as I knew her. Also, I bet you’re dying to know what I’ve saved for last. Me too. Tune in tomorrow to find out what’s running the last leg of this relay.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY 
The trick is to find penises in it and color accordingly.
You’re looking at it again now.
I looked and looked and didn’t find any. Guess I’ll have to draw my own.
Don’t draw them too well, you’re doing this to relax.
This leads right into a post I’m writing called “Shaming Our Mothers.” Lol