Monthly Archives: August 2018

08.20.18
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Simple

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Running should be simple,
There’s just one thing to know.
You grab a pair of running shoes,
Strap them on, and go!

This is a dumb joke, I realize, but it’s one of those phrases that’s silly in English. Have we ever “strapped on” athletic shoes? I did an internet search, but I accidentally used Bing. I am no wiser.

This is the 20th poem in 20 days, and I nearly missed midnight (it’s only happened once in the three years I’ve had this going.) This year has been tough. I could write you 31 poems about how tired I am, and call it The Exhaustion Cycle, but I don’t know how interesting it would be to read all that whining. Thanks for being here, is what I guess I’m saying. I’ll try not to cut it so close tomorrow.

08.19.18
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This Socks

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I folded laundry
for ten straight hours—my hands ache
no poem for you

One of the things I try to do before school starts every year is tackle the mountain of clean laundry that accumulates during the summer. Mt. Clothesmore was especially challenging this year. I am down to about half a basket of things with no homes and the socks. I’m sure I’ll get to that tomorrow.

We also had some minor excitement today when some bark dust caught on fire for miscellaneous reasons that have been identified and will not happen again. Overall, this day gets approximately a 5.32 out of 10.

08.18.18
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Go Suspend Yourself

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Some like their entertainment
Containing only verified facts.
They quibble and they parse
When they should just relax.

I don’t like mistakes,
But bend truth with intention?
Your factual faux-pas
Is not even worth a mention.

So when the cat starts barking
And the dog climbs a tree,
It’s up to us to acknowledge
Your artistic liberty.

We watched “The Greatest Showman” last night, and man, does that not follow P.T. Barnum’s actual life. You know what? I DO NOT CARE. It’s a fabulous musical and I think captures a spirit he would have liked. A+, will wear the soundtrack out.

I like to be swept away. I like to believe in dragons and castaways and space full of life. I don’t like mistakes that take me out of the story (errors about finance and accounting do that every time), but if you need the main character to have purple skin and meet Robert Frost–you get down with your bad self. If someone does not have the imagination to follow you, well, they weren’t your audience, were they?

PS. The more perceptive among you may have spotted the subtle Photoshopping I did on that picture of my daughter. If you were fooled, well, I salute your receptiveness to the magic in the world.

08.17.18
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Back to the F*%#re

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I mean…dam, Marty.

Hey kids! Let’s watch a show–
A movie your dad and I both know.
It’s kid-friendly time-traveling fun,
With a quantum-modified DeLorean!

Imagine my delighted surprise
At the potty-mouth on that McFly.
More education than we bargained for
With that god-damned f$#% capacitor.

I am the last person to get after someone for their language, unless I physically made that person. I firmly believe that there are no bad words, just inappropriate times to use them, but when you’re this many (holds up five fingers), every time is the inappropriate time.

We did not remember the extent or the creativity of the swearing in Back to the Future. Have my kids heard some of it? Sure. Usually not in a sanctioned venue that Mom is encouraging them to be a part of. I told myself afterward that it’s better that they hear it at home. Wait. What? Shit, that isn’t right, is it?

08.16.18
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That’ll Bring ‘Em In

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what the fuck is this
velociraptor signage
to headless park host?

I normally love the quirky things you find in rural communities, but this is in a town called Lafayette, which is one of the creepiest places I have the pleasure of driving through. It’s rumored to be truly haunted, but naming your RV park “Sleepy Hollow” ain’t helping. “Ichabod will be around later to see if you need some firewood.” Nope.

08.15.18
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It’s Got a Ring, Thanks Anyway

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poor future suitor
just try to live up to this
prior engagement

Seven and I crafted this gorgeous cocktail ring from a kit. She is very pleased with it, and informed me that if any boy tries to marry her, she can tell them she’s already engaged. Or…just no? That works, too.

08.14.18
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The Mic May Not Be On, But I Don’t Let That Stop Me

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“Are you talking to me?” you asked.
Oh…um…I guess I am talking to me.
There was an argument to finish up
So I did it in soliloquy.

Then some inner dialogue
Needed desperately to be outer,
And when I reached a conclusion,
I presented it in the shower.

I asked me some interview questions
For my someday late night debut,
So…I’ve talked to myself all day–
I have nothing to say to you.

Sure, it’s not weird if you talk to your co-workers, but if I talk to mine (the candle, the dog, my chair, the pens), I’m “socially maladjusted.” I know I’m not alone in this. Well, technically, I am alone, but I mean you probably do this too, just not with anyone. Creatives have a lot going on in the brain and if you don’t open the valve a little, it explodes.

PS. That great poster in the background is available here for a mere $5: Dumb Runner Obstacles Poster

08.13.18
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Nosleepferu

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I used to sleep every night
With the covers around my neck,
To protect myself from vampires,
Those monsters straight outta heck.

Tasty veins swaddled in safety,
My bedroom door closed tightly,
I slumbered in cozy confidence
All through every nighty-nighty.

Now, at least once a week,
I scream loudly without warning,
As a bedside child scares me awake
Because nothing can wait ’til morning.

I no longer need the blankets.
My door hangs all willy-nilly.
Monsters don’t frighten me anymore,
It’s my kids that scare me silly.

I really did sleep with the covers around my neck right up until we brought home a newborn. At that point, I learned how to fall asleep anywhere, in any position, with or without blankets. The nice thing about newborns is they lack the mobility to sneak up to your bedside and whisper “Mooommmmy” like some little possessed person.

Also…I know that is a huge leap from Nosferatu. *shrug*

08.12.18
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Throwing Out a Line

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No matter how many talks I’ve done,
Or how many books I’ve sold,
When I get to kid Q & A
Turns out, I’m ten years old.

They’re skeptical from the start.
It’s a boring talk on how to write?
But then I mention Minecraft
And let them quiz me about Fortnite.

Yes, I like to Imagine Dragons
Both in my ears and on my page.
I’m in Ravenclaw through every sort
Despite my extremely oldish age.

After establishing these credentials,
They lean forward and pay attention.
Instead of someone’s unextraordinary mom,
I become the Mother of Invention.

After I released The Tiny Giant, I did a number of school visits to 4th and 5th grade classrooms. I adore giving this talk, there is always one kid furiously taking notes and one who asks me how much I make. While fielding questions on video games probably takes away from my message a little–it also gives the kids a way to relate to me. You should see how they light up! When I said I’ve been listening to Imagine Dragons lately, the girls in one class actually cheered.

I wouldn’t say anything that wasn’t true, of course. Kids can smell pandering a mile away. It is, however, very helpful to be able to talk Minecraft with them and then hit them with your wisdom on proofreading.

PS. Want me to come talk to your kids in the Portland, OR metro and surrounding areas? Drop me a line here and I’ll be happy to discuss it with you.

08.11.18
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Foam Over Substance

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there is no “problem”
just because I like to use
coffee as creamer

There was a period in my life where quad lattes and the occasional use of bottled Starbucks drinks as creamer was normal. I had a stressful job and I fueled my insane workload with more coffee than was really healthy for one person to consume. It was my own little corner of fatalism–I will do this job or have a caffeine-induced heart attack trying.

Now I drink about 3-4 cups of brewed coffee a day. That’s…less? Yay me? I would quit (I have several times, including two pregnancies), but I still have shit to do in this life and coffee is how I do it. Coffee makes my world go ’round. Sometimes a little spinny, sure, but still.