I thought it was me
but then your Dear Jane letter
was in Comic Sans
I used Comic Sans for years as my professional e-mail font. While it may have been seen as a clever manipulation meant to tempt people to underestimate me, it was really because I thought it looked nice and I had no idea. It sort of worked either way. Now I’m getting attached to Ebrima, which probably telegraphs that I’m a circus clown, or that I’ve been underwater for the last 40 years. *shrug* I like it.
This beauty is in front of the stadium where the Portland Timbers play. I have read much, too much, Stephen King to ever think this sculpture was doing anything except biding its time. The chainsaw eyes just expose it for what it really is. I’m on to YOU, creepy happy face. I’ve got your number now.
my legs are corpse blue
NO! don’t sit on the white couch
in your new denim
I looked down in the shower today and noticed, somewhat alarmingly, that my legs were an oxygen-deprived shade of blue. I immediately started thinking that I had done something terrible to myself on my run a couple of days ago, something that was cutting off the blood supply to my legs, or maybe the virus I caught from my husband was some horrible Ebola-like… oh. New jeans. I’m cool.
the flameless candles
were a nice idea, I guess
until she ate them
Thing Two (who is no more than two) is the one person in our family who will pop something into her mouth and then ask, “What am I eating?” CANDLES, honey. You are eating Mommy’s expensive flameless candles.
PS. I would love to have you participate with your own bad poetry about my inspiring topic. I mean, such a moving photo that I took in my house with my iPhone, right? You can’t resist!
red Popsicle stick
you disappeared during lunch
where the hell are you?
Background: This is the very first time we have used this ice pop thingy. We lost one of the sticks, IN THE HOUSE, before it ever made it to the freezer. Of course, I still filled that slot up with orange juice, because it’s a perfectly good slot. Not sure what I am going to do with a frozen chunk of orange juice….maybe put it in my orange juice?
Give yourself bonus internet points if you can guess the title reference.
bad haiku corner
syllables over substance
mediocre
Just as a minivan can make a natural vista more ordinary, Americans have spent many hours making the haiku an egalitarian effort. ANYONE can write one, including third graders (be honest, how many of you wrote about your pets?) and there is no Board of Haiku Preservation to put a stop to it. Given that, I think we should have some fun. Not an incredibly original idea, I know, but I have been known to send professional e-mails entirely in haiku, or biblical verse, or Pig Latin. I’m in withdrawal. So…. I will occasionally post a picture with a starter verse. Any poetry is welcome. If iambic pentameter is your thing, fly that freaky flag in the comments.
Yes. I know that last line only has four syllables. Now you get it.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY 