I thought it was me
but then your Dear Jane letter
was in Comic Sans
I used Comic Sans for years as my professional e-mail font. While it may have been seen as a clever manipulation meant to tempt people to underestimate me, it was really because I thought it looked nice and I had no idea. It sort of worked either way. Now I’m getting attached to Ebrima, which probably telegraphs that I’m a circus clown, or that I’ve been underwater for the last 40 years. *shrug* I like it.
You came into my room last night
Your body woke you
Clutching the tiny flashlight we gave you
In front with both hands
Braving the journey one door down
Body quieted, you climbed into my bed
Mind unsettled
Unaware of your own thrashing
You pulled the pink blanket up to your nose
The one I fetched without request
Sank into my sanctuary and
Breathed in my sleep
As fearless as my tiny Thing Two is, she sometimes needs to borrow some of my brave to get back to sleep. I wrote this after one of these nights when she uncertainly came in, not knowing what to do, and let me take care of her. I don’t mind if she steals my sleep. I’ll sleep later.
This beauty is in front of the stadium where the Portland Timbers play. I have read much, too much, Stephen King to ever think this sculpture was doing anything except biding its time. The chainsaw eyes just expose it for what it really is. I’m on to YOU, creepy happy face. I’ve got your number now.
I like my macaroni,
Better than a pony.
I don’t have to feed it,
In fact, I can eat it.
I have a preschooler, therefore I get all kinds of gifts made of various things that are inexpensive and hard to break. This was a special “surprise,” and I proudly wore it the entire day. It has a magical power. It makes me remember how very small they still are.
I add things, I admit,
To my coffee every day.
But when You decided to add You,
Well…You got carried away.
A tiny exoskeletoned expropriator landed in my morning coffee. Happily, I noticed the interloper before he drank too much. Then we followed the rules for the insect kindom: Is it small? Yes. Is it slimy? No. Does it like to hang around on something disgusting? No. OK. Fish him out and finish your sorely needed coffee.
my legs are corpse blue
NO! don’t sit on the white couch
in your new denim
I looked down in the shower today and noticed, somewhat alarmingly, that my legs were an oxygen-deprived shade of blue. I immediately started thinking that I had done something terrible to myself on my run a couple of days ago, something that was cutting off the blood supply to my legs, or maybe the virus I caught from my husband was some horrible Ebola-like… oh. New jeans. I’m cool.
the flameless candles
were a nice idea, I guess
until she ate them
Thing Two (who is no more than two) is the one person in our family who will pop something into her mouth and then ask, “What am I eating?” CANDLES, honey. You are eating Mommy’s expensive flameless candles.
PS. I would love to have you participate with your own bad poetry about my inspiring topic. I mean, such a moving photo that I took in my house with my iPhone, right? You can’t resist!
red Popsicle stick
you disappeared during lunch
where the hell are you?
Background: This is the very first time we have used this ice pop thingy. We lost one of the sticks, IN THE HOUSE, before it ever made it to the freezer. Of course, I still filled that slot up with orange juice, because it’s a perfectly good slot. Not sure what I am going to do with a frozen chunk of orange juice….maybe put it in my orange juice?
Give yourself bonus internet points if you can guess the title reference.
Hey! They are using my self-image without permission!
I was planning to write a sonnet,
About my bike-riding bonnet,
The wheel hit a crack,
My head took a thwack,
Now instead, there’s a limerick upon it.
Worser and worser.
bad haiku corner
syllables over substance
mediocre
Just as a minivan can make a natural vista more ordinary, Americans have spent many hours making the haiku an egalitarian effort. ANYONE can write one, including third graders (be honest, how many of you wrote about your pets?) and there is no Board of Haiku Preservation to put a stop to it. Given that, I think we should have some fun. Not an incredibly original idea, I know, but I have been known to send professional e-mails entirely in haiku, or biblical verse, or Pig Latin. I’m in withdrawal. So…. I will occasionally post a picture with a starter verse. Any poetry is welcome. If iambic pentameter is your thing, fly that freaky flag in the comments.
Yes. I know that last line only has four syllables. Now you get it.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY 